'cause I was bored and thought you might enjoy . . .

Mikey · Post by **Mikey** » Apr 2nd, '08, 18:58

THE RULES OF RURAL VIRGINIA (or anywhere in the South) ARE AS FOLLOWS :

Listen up City Slickers !

1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.

2. Turn your cap right, your head isn't crooked.

3. Let's get this straight; it's called a "dirt road." I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.

4. They are cattle. They're live steaks. That's why they smell funny to you. But they smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? Rt. 64 goes east and west, I-95 goes north and south. Pick one.

5. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $150,000 corn pickers and combines that are driven only 3 weeks a year.

6. So every person in Virginia waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.

7. If that cell phone rings while an 8-point buck and 3 does are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.

8. Yeah, we eat taters & gravy, beans & cornbread, tomatoes & onions, grits & greens. You really want sushi & caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.

9. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the Saturday before Thanksgiving in November.

10. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of age.

11. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu. Order steak. Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.

12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use four spices: salt, pepper, hot sauce and ketchup. Oh, yeah.... We don't care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff you eat... IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!!

13. You bring "coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice.

14. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.

15. College and High School Football is as important here as the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.

16. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards -- it spooks the fish.

17. Colleges? We have them all over. We have State Universities, Community Colleges, and Vo-techs. They come outta there with an education plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at everybody when they come for the holidays.

18. We have a whole ton of folks in the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines. So don't mess with us. If you do, you will get whipped by the best.

19. Turn down that damned car stereo! That thumpity-thump ain't music, anyway. We don't want to hear it anymore than we want to see your boxers. Refer back to #1.

20. 4 inches isn't a blizzard - it's a flurry. Drive like you got some sense in it, and DON'T take all our bread, milk, and bleach from the grocery stores or bourbon from the ABC. This ain't Alaska, worst case you may have to live a whole day without croissants. The pickups with snow blades will have you out the next day.

dougl33 · Post by **dougl33** » Apr 2nd, '08, 20:08

Boy, you rednecks are kinda touchy.

In Memory of Vicroy · Post by **In Memory of Vicroy** » Apr 2nd, '08, 21:04

Us Coonasses are worse, we don't talk about it.....the dock at Port Eads is where we sort them out. Those still posting here made the cut.

UV

IRGuy · Post by **IRGuy** » Apr 3rd, '08, 08:27

I spent almost all my life in the New York and New England areas. As I got older I began to really hate the cold, and as I got to know them I got to really like most of the southern people I met. When my wife and I decided to semi retire I knew we wanted to head south, but to where?

I came up with a plan...

We headed south on Route 95.. I stopped at every Home Depot store I saw and asked a simple question.. "Do you sell snow blowers here?"

When the first person asked me back.. "What the hell is a snow blower?" I started looking for property!

And yes.. I so like grits! They are an excellent excuse to be able to eat butter and salt!

Carl · Post by **Carl** » Apr 3rd, '08, 08:41

And yes.. I so like grits! They are an excellent excuse to be able to eat butter and salt!

Now that funny, I think I may be stealing that line...

Appeciate the post Mikey, I needed some levity this morning.

randall · Post by **randall** » Apr 3rd, '08, 13:08

virginia...i dont know...its only a mornin's drive from new england.....is that really the south? takes me longer to get to maine

now port eades..........................culture clash at the coonass country club!!

chris pague · Post by **chris pague** » Apr 3rd, '08, 14:33

Yea A traffic jam is being stuck behind a John Deere and not much giving a damn.
At 12: pm on a Sat you will not be able to find a store open, except in Kilmanock.
Life is Good

JP Dalik · Post by **JP Dalik** » Apr 3rd, '08, 19:16

virginia...i dont know...its only a mornin's drive from new england.....is that really the south?

Don't kid yourself Virginia is definitely The South, Confederate capitol was there to be exact. Ever been down the Boulevard or Monument St in Richmond. Enough statues of Confederate heroes you'd think the South's gonna rise again.
One of my favorite states.
Damn good people there. Most of them actually come from there, unlike Florida where they mostly come from here.

AndreF · Post by **AndreF** » Apr 3rd, '08, 19:54

My in-laws lived in Richmond and now some other town close by and friends live in Warrington, VA . Fine, fine country and a Confederate statue on every corner, JP. Toured Manassas as it right there at Warrington, among other sacred spots. My great-great grandfather fought in Virginia.
randall you're off base on this one....some kind of acknowledgement of this seems proper.

randall · Post by **randall** » Apr 4th, '08, 19:57

andre' ,just funnin......they got this line.....everything south of it is THE SOUTH!!....i however at this moment am in THE WEST

In Memory of Vicroy · Post by **In Memory of Vicroy** » Apr 4th, '08, 20:28

Randall, that looks like a lotta fun, sort of like you hi-stepping down the flooded dock at Port Eads with the 10' alligator gaining on your short ass. I had your back tho with the big stainless Ruger .44.....first you make a roux....

UV

kellysmall · Post by **kellysmall** » Apr 4th, '08, 20:55

Ahhh, the memories....I hated that my first UVI at Port Eads was also the last. Something about that place just makes you want to keep coming back. Maybe one day.....

-Kel

Mikey · Post by **Mikey** » Apr 5th, '08, 12:22

Randall,
Capital of the Confederacy and gateway to the South.
If it's only a mornin's drive, what's keepin' you? I've got a bottom needs paintin'.
We'll keep a light on for you.

randall · Post by **randall** » Apr 5th, '08, 17:49

was actually getting into going to DC with caren but they decided not to invite me back.......60 year olds dont paint bottoms (or so i hear)

CaptPatrick · Post by **CaptPatrick** » Apr 5th, '08, 18:37

At 40 I took crap when dished out... At 50 I stopped takin' crap... At 60 I started dishin' crap back... now borderlining on 65, I dump it on, (or out), by the truck load....

Goes for crappy jobs, crappy folks, crappy anything else....

Mikey · Post by **Mikey** » Apr 6th, '08, 10:28

Randall,
64 do paint them.
Whew!

randall · Post by **randall** » Apr 6th, '08, 16:30

mikey...the truth is i do everything on the boat myself...no ones touched it but me since ive owned it (cept moving it). however prolonged exposure to patrick has begun to alter my thinkin.

Mikey · Post by **Mikey** » Apr 7th, '08, 08:12

Randall,
Understand. It's that Texas thing, I was born in Houston.

Rawleigh · Post by **Rawleigh** » Apr 7th, '08, 11:42

My God Mickey!! Say it isn't so. . .

Mikey · Post by **Mikey** » Apr 7th, '08, 11:50

Rawleigh, Mother was there temporarily, it was a W.W. II thing.

Rawleigh · Post by **Rawleigh** » Apr 7th, '08, 16:29

Then you are forgiven . . . the exigencies of war!!! Very patriotic of her to suffer such an indignity!! (No offense to the Texans here)

Hyena Love · Post by **Hyena Love** » Apr 8th, '08, 14:36

Yeah, why would we be offended by the suggestion that short term residence and/or experiencing a live birth in Houston is an "indignity" that must be "suffered?"

CaptPatrick · Post by **CaptPatrick** » Apr 8th, '08, 15:42

Sic 'em Mad Dog!

Hyena Love · Post by **Hyena Love** » Apr 8th, '08, 17:40

I'm just messin with Rawleigh and Mikey. Rawleigh mostly.

CaptPatrick · Post by **CaptPatrick** » Apr 8th, '08, 17:59

I know, me too... But you're supposed to be a rankin' member of the Mean Team. Zat' the best ya' got??? Cheeze, the French don't lay down that quick!

Rawleigh · Post by **Rawleigh** » Apr 9th, '08, 11:01

I was just kidding with Mikey too!! He would understand, having been around some of the stuck up Virginians in Richmond!!

Mikey · Post by **Mikey** » Apr 9th, '08, 11:08

I wasn't denigrating my birth State
just protecting my butt at home.
Rawleigh knows where I live and where Dreamsicle is and it's close.

Mikey · Post by **Mikey** » Apr 11th, '08, 08:03

Patrick
Just to show my heart's in the right place, watch this!
If it doesn't bring tears to your patriotic eyes turn up the volume.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QKCVS57j284

Skipper Dick · Post by **Skipper Dick** » Apr 11th, '08, 13:53

Mikey,

This video could almost have H. Obama put his hand over his heart. (I said ALMOST) I know it would any other true American. These little girls are all over the internet and are already signed up for appearances at a number of pro baseball games around the country. I sent the video out to all my Military Retired friends with a warning that they may need a tissue.

Dick

bertram31.com

'cause I was bored and thought you might enjoy . . .

'cause I was bored and thought you might enjoy . . .

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