Christmas poem funny

[Capt. DQ]

Had to share this poem, it is *funny*

Night Before Christmas

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all on the dock
Stood the NOAA Administration scratching their crotch;

Their checkbooks were hung on the pilings with care,
In hopes that more conservation monies soon would be there;

The fish house was empty, no boats to unpack;
Don’t ever remember it being that slack.

The Fishermen were worried all snug in their beds,
Wondering if their families would ever get fed;

And mamma in her G-String, and all in my lap,
Had just finished a bottle of Jaeger, and started to yak

When out in the river channel there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the Miss Behavin’ to see what was the matter.

Away to the stern I flew like a flash,
Tripped on a gill net and busted my azz.

I now see the dangers and all of their hurdles
so I threw it overboard “oops” on top of some turtles,

When, what to my wondering eyes should elude,
But a miniature whaler, powered with an antique Evinrude,

With a little old driver, bailing the boat that was leaky
I thought it was Santa, but no it was just Schneeky.

More rapid than pogies late in the fall,
He came down the waterway balls to the wall;

"I was delighted the news he brought to me,
(Beer Run) had bought the Exxon Valdez to run in the SKA class of 23

From the top of the fish house I called “RAC” for hours
But he was busy signing autographs on catching Permits at the Tower

Not paying attention, as I stood on the roof
the prancing and pawing of each little hoof

As I threw up my hands, and was turning around,
I realized the reindeer was being chased by a pack of hounds

So I ran to my gun safe to grab the old Browning
To stack up some deer and leave PETA frowning.

While looking for buckshot and still listening for hounds
Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound.

He was dressed in rain gear from his boots to his face,
And his clothes were all tarnished with fish scales and cut bait;

A bundle of new regulations he had flung on his back bone,
And he looked like (Timbo) approving a home loan.

A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
soon made me realize I had plenty to dread;

His eyes – were all bloodshot! His dimples were deep!
His cheeks were like sharkskin, he looked like (Big E) after being soused for a week!

His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
He came to deliver the message we soon would all know;

The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
Did not hinder the words that he soon would speak;

Were taking the Grouper and Snapper away,
The amendments are inked and no politicians will sway.

Were working with most recent science he said with glee;
Doesn’t really matter if it’s from “1973”

But come to the hearings we love to hear you squeal,
The laws we want your opinion on are already done deals.

Head Boats and Charters are now on the list;
Of getting screwed and not getting kissed

Plenty of fish left, Grunts and Ring tails are super
People will pay good money to charter for only 1 grouper

Don’t take it personal, just adapt and adjust;
And I laughed when I heard him, in spite of being bankrupt;

He spoke not a word, but went straight to the ice box,
And shot gunned a 12 pack and accessed the remaining fish stocks.

And laying his finger on top of a pen,
he began writing new regulations to begin in 2010;

If you think it’s all over you’re sadly mistaken;
We have only got started, you will soon be forsaken

Next on the list are Bluefins and Mackerel;
And if we catch you in our zones you will wind up in shackles.

He sprang to his ride, to his team gave a whistle,
and they all sailed out of town like the down of a thistle.

But I heard him exclaim, as they sailed out to sea,

"I’m not really Santa I’m the SAFMC."

*posted by REHolden of Holden Charters