This is a great story, my son sent me who is a Lakeland City Police Officer, about a guy name (Tommy) who purchased his Wife (Toni) a pocket stun gun for their 22nd anniversary wanting to get her something a little extra.
Tommy’s story,
Last weekend I saw something at Larry’s Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest a little. What I came across was a 100,000-volt pocket/purse sized taser. The effects of the taser were suppose to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her time to retreat to safety…WAY TOO COOL!
Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two triple A batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing!
I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button and pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I’d get the blue arch of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. Awesome! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Toni what the burn spot is on the face of her microwave.
Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn’t be all that bad only with two triple A batteries, right?!!
There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie for a fraction of a second and thought better of it. She is a sweet cat. But, I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?
So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, taser in another.
The directions said that a one second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop around on the ground like a fish out of water. Any bursts longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.
All the while I’m looking at this little device measuring 5†long, less than ¾†in diameter; pretty cute really and loaded two itsy, bitsy, triple A batteries, thinking to myself, “no possible way!â€
What happened next is almost beyond description, but I’ll do my best…
I’m sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, “ don’t do it master,†reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn’t hurt all that bad… I decided to give myself a one second burst just for the heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY MOTHER, WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION@!@$$!%!@*!!!
I’m pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs. The cat was standing over me making meowing sounds I had never heard before, licking my face, undoubtedly thinking to herself, “do it again, do it again!â€
If you ever feel compelled to “mug†yourself with a taser, one note of caution, there is no such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself. You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second burst would be considered conservative.
SON-OF-A-…..that hurt like hell!!! A minute or so later I can’t be sure, as time was relative thing at that point, collected my wits what little I had left, sat up suryed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. How did they get up there? My triceps, and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88lbs. I’m still looking for my testicles? I’m offering a significant reward for their safe return.
Still in shock,
Tommy
Enjoy,
DQ
1967 Hull #315-605 FBC ---<*)((((><(
"IN GOD WE TRUST"
'Life may be the party we hoped for...but while we are here we might as well fish'!
I cannot help but to wonder JUST WHAT IN THE HELL WAS HIS THOUGHT PROCESS!!!!
Personally I am terrified of electricity..........I still have scars in the back of my head......put there by the hood latch of a 57 Chevy.........as a result of me removing a 30.000 volt spark plug wire trying to check for spark.
BTW the little mother was actually sparking
Ain't no way...........100,000 volts????? not this redneck.........
Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn’t be all that bad only with two triple A batteries, right?!!
There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie for a fraction of a second and thought better of it. She is a sweet cat. But, I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?
Can't say I haven't done some pretty stupid things when thinking. One was to beat my buddy to the store by going directly to the store using a shortcut thru some weeds and down a hill and back up the other side, a shortcut to the store I had walked for years prior to obtaining my new license, I was thinking this would be way faster then the long way around using the overpass. Well let me tell you first hand a car doing twenty five or so and walking down a fairly steep hill are two very different experiences.
Great story, thanks for sharing. I have heard that Tasers could be quite dangerous, if case nobody here had guessed that yet...
I still have tears in my eyes after reading above...
I too took a spark plug wire hit.. from a piddling little lawn mower engine.. it sent me into next week! And also took a direct 220 volt short to ground when an idiot electrician working for me hotwired a welding machine wrong!
As a kid my dad had an old train set that ran off low voltage AC.
When the transformer went bad he used a variac. It went from 0 to about 130vac.
My brother being older and somewhat wiser had me put my hand across the 3 rails and he cranked the voltage up to max. He sat there watching and laughing his ass off while I could not let go of the tracks.
After about 10 seconds I passed out and he cut the voltage.
I woke up to dad kicking the crap outta him and then giving us a lecture on electricity and how its the amps, not the voltage that kills.
He then proceeded to make my brother hold onto the tracks while he let me crank up the variac. I still chuckle thinking about it.
Later in years I asked about the variac and he told me he put a current limiter on it to keep the train motor from getting too hot as it was old and that I probably passed out from being scared not shocked.
Great Story, really makes you laugh. When I was a teenager I worked for my father at his gas station. I got zapped by many a spark plug wire. It hurts more when its cold out. My fathers favorite was when someone hooked the timing light up wrong it would deliver a jolt to whomever tried to pick it up. My father always made sure the guy who hooked it up wrong was the guy who picked it up. Tony
I was just thinking that this scenario might work on Timmy and save him some money and it would be noninvasive, verses him having Lasik surgery. Maybe a 2-3 second burst might do the trick.
So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, taser in another.
R,
DQ
1967 Hull #315-605 FBC ---<*)((((><(
"IN GOD WE TRUST"
'Life may be the party we hoped for...but while we are here we might as well fish'!
at work we will put a meger on spare capasitors we have for street lights, crank it up and then tell someone quik catch this, always funny watching him jump like hell
