First & Second Place!

[Capt. DQ]

• A couple has a dog that snores. Annoyed because she can't sleep, the wife goes to the vet to see if he can help.
  
  The vet tells the woman to tie a ribbon around the dog's testicles and he will stop snoring.
  
  "Yeah right!" she says.
  
  A few minutes after going to bed, the dog begins snoring, as usual. The wife tosses and turns, unable to sleep.
  
  Muttering to herself, she goes to the closet and grabs a piece of red ribbon and ties it carefully around the dog's testicles. Sure enough, the dog stops snoring! The woman is amazed!
  
  Later that night, her husband returns home drunk from being out drinking with his buddies. He climbs into bed, falls asleep and begins snoring loudly.
  
  The woman thinks maybe the ribbon might work on him. So she goes to the closet again, grabs a piece of blue ribbon and ties it around her husband's testicles. Amazingly, it also works on him! The woman sleeps soundly.
  
  The husband wakes from his drunken stupor and stumbles into the bathroom. As he stands in front of the toilet,
  he glances in the mirror and sees a blue ribbon attached to his privates. He is very confused and as he walks back into the bedroom he sees the red ribbon attached to his dog's testicles.
  
  He shakes his head and looks at the dog and whispers, "I don't know where we were, or what we did, but, by God, we took first and second place!"