bertram31.com

When I was 13, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend with big hoots.

When I was 16, I got a girlfriend with big tits, but there was no passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with zest for life.

In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with stability.

When I was 25, I found a very stable girl but she was boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided that I needed a girl with some excitement.

When I was 28, I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did mad impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some real ambition.

When I turned 30, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground, so I married her. She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned.

I am older and wiser now, and I am looking for a girl with big hoots.

la la la la......so if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life.....never make an pretty woman your wife......so from my personal point of view.....get an ugly woman to marry you......fa la la da da da......

hb

been there twice, no hate trick for me

that's funny...

Down at the marina bar here in Melbourne, the regular weekend acoustic guitar guy sings this song (below) every night.

It's one of his livelier bits, and always big hit with the regular dock potato crowd:

ALWAYS MARRY AN UGLY GIRL

(CHORUS) Always marry an ugly girl; that's the only kind.
She won't ever ever leave you, but if she does, you won't mind.

My uncle married an ugly girl. She drank from a special cup.
She had a great big upper lip, but her lower lip covered it up.

(CHORUS) Always marry an ugly girl; that's the only kind.
She won't ever ever leave you, but if she does, you won't mind.

My cousin married an ugly girl. He thought he had it made,
But every night when she undressed, the neighbors they pulled their shades.

(CHORUS) Always marry an ugly girl; that's the only kind.
She won't ever ever leave you, but if she does, you won't mind.

My brother married an ugly girl. The family got uptight.
They gave them a formal wedding. They painted the shotgun white.

(CHORUS) Always marry an ugly girl; that's the only kind.
She won't ever ever leave you, but if she does, you won't mind.

When you make love to an ugly girl, she'll never let you quit,
Because she thinks that it's the last she's ever gonna get.

(CHORUS) Always marry an ugly girl; that's the only kind.
She won't ever ever leave you, but if she does, you won't mind.

Being from New England I have visited many small museums dedicated to the town's maritime history. Many have pictures of old sea captains and their families.

Almost 100% of the wives were homely. When I mentioned this to an old salt I know he explained that the captains liked to marry homely women, because after returning from a 6 or 12 month voyage they knew their wives would always be there waiting for them.

When I was in the Middle East back in the 60's, I asked a Muslim man why Muslim women covered their faces. His explanation was- Moses came first and took most of the good looking women. Then Jesus came and he took all the rest. By the time Mohammed got here, what was left needed their faces covered...

When I was in college many years ago, one of the guys who was a pretty good looking guy (in a manly way) used to date only homely girls. By the way Mikey he too was from Virginia.

Finally one day just before graduation, we were sitting around drinking when one of the guys finally got up the nerve to ask him why he dated only homely girls when he could have dated any girl on campus.

He looked at all of us and said you guys don't get it do you. If you date a homely girl, you are guaranteed to have sex because that it the only way she is going to get a date. If you date a pretty girl there are no guaratees.

We all realized what fools we were for not asking the question four years sooner.

Ehhh, forget the homely ones.

I'm with 13 year old Mikey, and wiser and older Mikey...

At least this ones got the knife in plain veiw... wait, whaaaat knife? droool.
And then they got ya.

you cn always buy the homely girl some of those :)

Yeah, but then it's a ugly girl with big inflated fakies... they're not the same.

But they do a helluva job at changing a previously modest girls behavior,
into a expeditionist, calculating, and kniving behavior pattern.

Fakies are the devil... or are they heaven sent ?
A little of both I guess, just depends on how yer day's goin...

And eventually supertits above is gonna cut through that scotchbrite and into her fingers...

Standard issue, nice God givin rack, but not much going on in the thinking dept.

I think that there's one group of girls that are being forgotten....

Those that also read this board. Including some that are members.

Patrick,
That's why I changed the 'word' to 'hoots!' Didn't want to offend.
Buju,
First thing I noticed was the girl was scrubbing with the blade towards her hand. If that's the first thing it may say something about me, huh?
Harry,
Still haven't got that figured out. Married for love not utility. I'm too much of a visualist. Just look at Dreamsicle, my other love.

There's nothing wrong with admitting that you like big hooters. They're fun for the whole family

Wasn't sayin' anyone or comment in particular. Just sayin'...

mikey wrote:Still haven't got that figured out. Married for love not utility. I'm too much of a visualist. Just look at Dreamsicle, my other love.

Been married to Jo Ann for 38 years.....still think she is easy on the eyes....and love her almost as much as I love DeNada......DeNada being #11 after Jo Ann and all the chilrens and granchilrens.....

hb

I think that there's one group of girls that are being forgotten....

Those that also read this board. Including some that are members.

Yeah...seesh.
Sorry bout that Capt.Pat, and any Bertram gals out there.

Just going for some stereotype based humor was all... there is no serious implication that all endowed women are dim...
Endowment has nothing to do with it!..HA!.. now I'm in trouble.

My wife shares "physical attributes" with the kitchen knife lady.
She is also in the final stages of picking up her Masters degree.
But give her a kitchen knife to wash, and she'll probably do it that way.?.?.
And if she read this board she'd come after me w/ said knife...

The implant based behavior modification comment... again, sorry.
Based solely on several recent personal observations of cosemetic surg. negatively impacting previously harmonious relationships.
Of course not all women w/ implants, etc. become.... that.

Gotta stop posting pre-6 a.m....

....Based solely on several recent personal observations of cosemetic surg. negatively impacting previously harmonious relationships.

How odd.... I've observed that same phenomenon as well, several times even.

Fake ones = divorce?!?

Realizing this, one could set up a lucarative dual-purpose business. Fake boobies installed on one side of the building, divorce lawyers lying in wait on the other side. One stop shopping

It has eveything to do with how she'll handle the increased interest (and perceived interest) from men.

Some women fly off the handle and are absorbed in it, and initiate all conversation w/them as the topic.

Others, they're like a rock and only wanted a little boost to their self image, and their perception of how their man views them.

and everything in between...
but yeah, sure has the potential to put some strain on things.

Point taken Capt. Pat.

We get a little too comfortable and forget ourselves since the ladies don't jump into the normal course of discussions.

yall ruin everything cant have no fun with out yall going to gutter :)
and i wasn't referring to the hack job dr. that do the 10000cc jobs
just something to help the self image :)